She is putting the entire wedding together and invited me to her place to go over the invitation list because it had grown a bit beyond what we had expected it to be.

When I got to her place, we reviewed the list and trimmed it down to just under a hundred….then she floored me.

She said that in a month I would be a married man and before that happened, she wanted to have s-e-x with me.
Then she just stood up and walked to her bedroom and on her way said that I knew where the front door was if I wanted to leave.

I stood there for a few moments, and finally decided that I knew exactly how to deal with this situation. I headed straight out the front door.

There, leaning against my car was her husband, my farther-in-law to be. He was smiling. He explained that they just wanted to be sure I was a good kid and would be true to their little girl. I shook his hand and he congratulated me on passing their little test.

Abby, should I tell my fiancée what her parent did, and that I thought their “little test” was asinine and insulting my character?

Or should I keep the whole thing to myself including the fact that the reason I was walking out to my car was to get a condom?

Signed
Perplexed

“That’s cheating, Mummy,” she said. “We’re not supposed to USE OUR HEADS.”
-Anne Walker

The frog said: “I’ll turn into a ravishing beauty and fulfill your every desire, if only you’ll kiss me.” The fisherman scooped up the frog and put him in his pocket.

Later on, at a bar, he pulled the frog out and set the frog next to his beer. When the bartender overheard the frog repeat the offer, he asked the fisherman what he was waiting for.

The fisherman replied:
“At my age, I’d rather have a talking frog.”

He says, “Jack let me tell you something. On my Wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took of my pants and handed them to your mother and I said, here try these on. “So she did and said, “These just don’t fit.”

So I replied, “…Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and always will. Ever since that night we never had any problems.”

“Hmmm,” says Jack. He thinks that might be a good thing to try.

So, on his honeymoon, Jack takes off his pants and says to Jill, “Here try these on.”
So she does and says, “These just won’t fit.”
So Jack says, “Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will, and I don’t want you to ever forget that.”

Then Jill takes off her pants and hands them to Jack and says, “Here you try on mine. So he does and says, “I can’t get into this.”
So Jill says, “Exactly. And if you don’t change your attitude, you never will.”

The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.

The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

Hysterically the blonde responds, “Shut up…..you’re next!”

Finally, when he was the last car in the car park, he pulled out onto the road and started to drive away.

The Patrolman who was waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled him over.
He administered the breathalyzer test and was shocked when the man tested at 0.00.

The patrolman was dumbfounded. “This equipment must be broken!” he exclaimed.
“I doubt it,” said the driver, “Tonight I am the Designated Decoy.”

After examination the doctor comes out wirh the result: “I’m afraid I have some bad news. You’re dying and you don’t have much time”

“Oh no, that’s terrible. How long have I got?” the man asks.
“Ten…” say the doctor.
“Ten? Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?” he asks desperately.

“Ten, Nine, eight, seven…..”

He went out and collected from his friends all their unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them together and sent them to her with a note stating: “Regret cannot remember which one is you. Please keep your photo and return the others.”

You put your bra on backwards, and it fits better

Your car horn goes off accidentally, and remains stuck while you’re following a group of Hell’s angels.

Your birthday cake collapses from weight of the candles

You see a ’60 minutes’ team waiting in your office

The boss tells you not to bother taking off your coat

The bird singing outside your window is a vulture

Your blind date turns out to be your wife

Your twin forgot your birthday

Your Income Tax cheque bounces